A Celebration of Strangeness

“Strangeness is the indispensable condiment of all beauty” (Charles Baudelaire)

I recently resumed a spiritual practice of starting each day with writing a gratitude list and one of the many gifts that has resulted has been a renewed appreciation for my "nerdiness." Growing up, I had been bestowed a "crown of strangeness" for a variety of reasons and it is only now I am beginning to celebrate it for the role it has played in my life.

When I recall a childhood of feeling out of place, wondering if I could fast forward to age forty I am deeply reassured by the words of Eckhert Tolle from the Power of Now that, "Being an outsider to some extent...makes life difficult but [ ]it takes you out of unconsciousness almost by force."

I remember talking to a friend of mine whose sister was despairing about a fast approaching high school reunion. Her sister had been one of the "popular crowd," doing the cheerleader/dating the captain of the football team bit, and lo and behold, her life seemed to flatline ever since. Obsessed with her fading looks, the question for her was not whether or not she should Botox, but how much and how often she should prior to the great "reveal" of her reunion.

An extreme example on some level, but the point is this- without the gaggle of guys following my every move, the approval of few, if any cliques, coupled with a stack of books and a healthy skepticism of the requisite societal hoops- well, life was quiet :) And this got me to thinking. And fortifying myself from the inside out by default. Something akin to inner resources began building- and life has become a stage where I can choose to jump in with both feet or wait until the next intermission.

Up until now I have refrained from commenting publicly on Michael Jackson's death because I am still processing it,turning it around in mind trying to determine why it has hit me pretty hard. I am not usually one to fawn over Rev. Al Sharpton (and I still don't think it is a good idea for any man to spend more time on his hair than I do) but his comment directed to MJ's kids touched me beyond words,

“There ain’t nothin’ strange about your daddy. It was strange what he had to deal with!”

The new proverbial shot heard around the world as far as I am concerned. What does the word "strange" mean anyway? Compared to what? By whom? Is it every time something or someone challenges our construct of reality that the hammer comes down chilling the space where the potential energy transformation awaits a visit? Rumi said it best: "When setting out on a journey, do not seek advice from someone who has never left home."

Newness, challenging the status quo on any level requires a bit of fortitude and I am grateful for the "on the job training" that playing the role of "outsider" has afforded me in this incarnation. And truth be told, I just don't know when next an artist will come along who can sing a song about a rat (Michael Jackson's 1972 recording of the song "Ben") and move me to tears some thirty-seven years later. If this is "strange" then sign me up.

Why We Must Leap

"To avoid going nowhere, sometimes you just have to leap"
(Fiona J. Mackintosh)

This is a photo of the Dupont Circle area in Washington, D.C. I miss it. Or maybe (depending on the day) it is more the illusions that intially blanketed that time in my life that I miss. I moved nearby in my late twenties; psyched about my proximity to the corridors of power, and my corresponding desire to "change the world." Technically that is what happened, but ironically I was only able to achieve this by leaving town (the day before September 11th, but that is another story for another day....).

It became abundantly clear that I could not change anyone or anything that did not wish to be changed. So while I was marinating in varying levels of existential discomfort- all necessary for my growth and spiritual evolution- slowly but surely taking a leap of faith emerged as the only solution. I would be piled my stack of corporate suits of varying shades of black and navy blue in a Hefty bag for some other idealist and started planning to get the heck of of dodge to see what I could see out West.

Now in many respects my preparations to leave were conducted with as much emotional agnst as the sentence you just read. It just seemed like a very matter-of-fact kind of undertaking. However, one sunny morning when I was walking through Dupont Circle sortly before my departure (probably in search of the Washington Post and a pumpkin muffin) I encountered a friend of mine who I had not informed of my plans. I opened my mouth to greet him and all that came out were sobs. I was reapidly degenerating into a bawling and incoherent mess right before this guy's eyes right smack off of Connecticut Avenue (a prime target for the errant Washington official testing the limits of his diplomatic immunity). I dawned on me that this was a bigger step than I had originally envisioned- in fact it was HUGE.

I managed to pull myself together and as often is the case I asked myself why I had to be the one to move. Why do I always have to be the one to move gosh darn it! Why couldn't DC morph more into what I needed? And hell, why did I have to be even conscious of the disconnect? Has anyone ever been put in jail for willfully ignoring an illusion? All in all, a rather sophisticated iteration of the "Why me?" variety unfolded in my head- and we all know the drill about how the Universe responds (or lets us throw the proverbial tantrum while waiting in silence).

In "Ordinary People as Monks and Mystics," Marsha Sinetar states "The radical perceptual/physical break [of a self-actualizing person] is made in order to obey an inner dictate to live truthfully and in order to live a more conscious, responsible and faithful life." So dusting myself off I gently nudged myself out of pity party mode, packed my bags and did not look back- and not surprisingly, the adventure still continues...

Nothing to be Said

I feel like being very, very quiet today- perhaps in a waiting space. Please enjoy...


Chapter 30 of the Tao Te Ching (Stephen Mitchell
translation):

"The Master does her job
And then stops.
She understands that the universe
Is forever out of control,
And that trying to dominate events
Goes against the current of the Tao.
Because she believes in herself,
She doesn't try to
convince others.
Because she is content with (her)self,
She doesn't need others' approval.
Because she accepts herself,
The whole world accepts her."

Perfection Gone Awry

"I was on a Paris train, I emerged in London rain and you were waiting there swimming through apologies...sorry" (lyrics from "The Metro" by Berlin, LP "Pleasure Victim")

The imagery of "swimming through apologies," is intriguing to me (not to mention the steely electronica of this song from which these lyrics originated). It also happens to be an apt description of my current state of being. We've all heard of the mantra that we create our own reality ("law of attraction" anyone?); so taking this to the next level analytically speaking as I survey the landscape of my life as of late, I can only shake my head and mutter "Quel cauchemar" ("what a nightmare) :)

Things have been so weird I have taken to 'apologizing' to seemingly everyone on the etheric plane- perhaps to forestall the apocalypse- not sure really. But the messiness, fatigue and frustration that have reigned supreme recently make me wonder where the divine perfection is in all of this; as well as wonder if my perpetual stream of apologies is a sign that perfectionism may be creeping back into the forefront (haven't I already dealt with this some 20,000 times already-sheesh!)

Should I regale you with a recent sampling of my self-recriminations du jour? Pull up a chair and get comfortable:

1.) my most sincere apologies that my Nigerian cooking is barely edible- forgive me dear ancestors!

2.) so sorry that I require emotional and intellectual engagement and am no longer willing to settle for less anymore- sue me!

3.) tough that I find the patriarchal order of things less appealing than ever- it has never sat well with me even before I could spell the word "patriarchal"

4.)indeed I now expect to be nurtured, honored and respected in relationship (I recall Dalma Heyn's assertion that many men in modern society feel the ideal woman simply sits by the phone and prays- not!)

5.) horrors that peace, creative and personal freedom are among my non-negotiables (did I stutter when I said this the first time?)

6.) my most sincere regrets that I find obligation, in and of itself, to be a dubious basis to sustain and deepen any relationship- not running a social agency up in here...

7.) so sorry that the "No Carb Left Behind" diet (see "Eat, Pray, Love" by Elizabeth Gilbert) can only go so far before fitting through the front door on one's residence becomes a problem

8.)and I do regret most sincerely that I am still consuming valuable oxygen while seeking to effect real change in my life that still looks like a tornado blew through it- didn't Obama declare "Yes We Can?" (and when exactly is the estimated time of arrival on this?)

I only hope if we ever meet in person dear reader we can exchange wan smiles of recognition- recognition that we are all in this together folks. And regardless of how icky "it" looks in the interim, we don't have to swim in apologies. The debris in the pond will float on, making way for clear sparkling water to surface- and with it a more balanced, (self-) forgiving perspective ripe for divine perfection to make its way to our awareness- swim on, my peeps!

The Middle Energy

"Balance can only come from equality, and equality can only come from the acceptance of diversity" (Christine DeLorey)

Several years ago when I was working on my doctoral thesis, my spirit guides indicated their desire to participate provided they were not identified by name. I was writing about the concept of power from a metaphysical perspective and amidst the ample commentary they had on the subject they stressed the following:

"the most beneficial energetic exchange is that of the energetic middle- a state where the involved parties are conscious aand significantly evolved enough to know that the power they see in [other] people is only a reflection of the power they too have within themselves. It all comes down to treating every member of the larger entity as the divine being they are. This runs afoul of the traditional sense of maintaining clear hierarchal boundaries along with the energy that is invested in keeping these boundaries. The level of accountability skyrockets when the usual bases of superiority that divide....disappear."

In my immediate environment among friends and family I am seeing a good number of relationships that appear to be unraveling (or are they re-configuring)? And I can't help but wonder how things may have unfolded if the individuals involved were willing to see their partners through the lens of divinity- in essence, recognizing it, cultivating it and/or committing to relate to each other from this perspective. Can true equality flourish any other way?

The saying is that people serve as our divine mirror- but we usually focus on the bad traits that pop out in the people in our lives. The opposite is also very true as well- the traits we admire in others are apparent to us because we have the essence of them within us- we wouldn't be able to recognize them otherwise. So when we are attuned to both sides of the equation we are not top-heavy or leaning over to the side while the other side of the continuum remains neglected. Our thinking is balanced, our vibration is steady and receptive to expansion. We can invite other people to the "show" that is our life simply because we are not clinging for dear life. Our fight for survival graciously makes way for interconnection- a mutually nourishing exchange of ideas and energy that makes life richer for all concerned.

Rolling Along/Eager to Fly

Words are tumbling over me
Deeply longing to be free
Looking for a place to land
Possibly to expand
Stepping into their truth
Slouching in uncouth

Believe it when you see
the one who tumbles is really me
Possibly to land
in a way that I can stand
also proud in my truth

Those that are encumbered
May very well surrender
a perspective once too small
While words progress and fall

but the joy that comes to be
will radiate from you and me
and touch all who can see
and heal relentlessly

No more tumbling required
as we no longer are mired
in the prison of our thoughts

We can fly both near and far
Fully being who we are
and relinquish what we "ought,"
while we claim what's truly sought

Want to come along?


(C)IEB, 2009

Right Date, Wrong Package?

“We’re all divine, but I was the only one who had the nerve to call myself that” (Bette Midler, aka "The Divine Miss M")

When I was younger I likened myself to the small child in the fairy tale "The Emperor Without Clothes" who noticed that the emperor was indeed naked contrary to the adamant voices of the adults around him who insisted that he indeed was not.

Fast forward several years later-

After being met with an incredulous stare when you show up in places where someone decided you do not belong because your truth does not fit so neatly within the status quo-do you


(A) feel disappointed, but hang out anyway
(B) turn inward and develop a core of strength that you draw upon later on or,
(C) look around in vain for chocolate?


Not under any circumstances can we, or should we endeavor to alter the "package"- the divine container with which we show up in. For our worth is not determined by who recognizes our spark of divinity from without, but steeping in it at all times regardless of the circumstances. So do what you have to do my dear. Jada Pinkett Smith recently publicly pleaded to all who would listen to "Do you." How does your unique brand of "You" show up intact when the world would have you question your fabulousity?